Theres a big mess in my mind and sadly in my heart. My mind wanders from on dream to the next and is continually confusing the hell out of my heart. Why would i be damned with such a perfect life and then have a fucked up way of dealing with it. I constantly think of a different life then what i have, but what i have is the ideal life i have wanted. Theres nothing that i thought i would never want to change but my mind tells me other wise!!! I also think of the past alot. What i could have done differently but then i swing right back to " if i did that i wouldnt have what i have now" am i the only one who does this to themselves!? I mean its fucked up in itself to even think of the thoughts i think. If thoughts were verbal i think i would be in one giant realistic hole that i couldnt get my self out of....
its basically like a love triangle that is continuely in my head......
ex....soulmate....and plaything ...
is that what i think of him a play thing?! wow go bitchy me! more like a flirt thing....hmm ya i must be a big flirt!
then the ex isnt really a being in my life anymore just a thought and thought makes me love and miss him even more. that big hot flaming piece of shit!
then theres the love of my life he takes care of me and treats me better then i have been treated , like ever and well i think that scares me.....why it would scare me i dont know?! he makes promices that i fear cant be kept..he hasnt showed me any anti trust but for somereason i fear he isnt telling me the truth..
I MUST BE OUT OF MY MIND....
wow im done before i have a anerizm and a heart attack all at once.
Life after Death
